The ridicule of love

I dunno how Jason can stand me cos' I can't even stand myself sometimes.
I am an utterly awful person...sometimes.

All he asked was if I want to go to his grandparents' house for popiah and that made me boiled inside.
He (& his mum, auntie & uncle) sent his brother to Tekong today. I made up my mind to wait and loiter my time around before meeting him. Poor Jason asked that question (thru' message) & I fumbled.

I knew I am not being nice, infact nasty.I told him that he doesn't have to even bother to ask me go relative hunting unless for special occassion. (& nowadays I don't even give birthdays a hoot.)I dunno why I am so mean but I just feel frustrated inside.
Maybe it is because I have my Saturday planned in my head and going for home popiah just cuts the picture.

I even told him that I had enough of putting up a font of enjoying the kids' play and all the good girlfriend crap. You & me just know how uneasy it feels to be in a home other than your own or maybe it's just me. I'm quiet by nature and I don't like mingle around, not in a group whereby you have to put up a smile and pretend you enjoy everything there.
I said (and even say this...)that the reason is those are his family, not mine.

Period.

Now that's just mean, mean, mean,mean, mean!
(I dunno why I show strawberry tarts here. Other than it look really nice, I guess I just wanna reduce the meany degree.)

I knew I am wrong to say that but I dun apologise for what I said. The apology is only needed for how I said.
I do not dislike his family. But that's not equivalent to enjoying being with them. I'm not a family event person. It feels so weird like going out with another family but your own. Put yourself in my shoe and you will understand.
Maybe too many times before, I always tried to accomodate (and sometimes I know I volunteered cos' I miss them and I know Jason would like to be with them) so I just go out with them or whatever events they have.
Trust me, alot of times I feel stupid being there. I can't pretend to be a kid and keep going wherever the kiddos going. (I dont even play with them..much) I don't talk to his cousins. Aunties,uncles? I would be thankful if I am just being left alone to breathe. And that, I felt my prescence is STUPID!

That is what I do not enjoy and the idea of going to their gathering just tires me. That kinda "breathe...bring out your smile and ...shite." just make me rather spend my Saturday at home with my own family than any other. And that's probably another point. I am too a family defensive crab so the thought of instead of sitting in my own house with my family but in another house pretending to enjoy the minutes is biting me.
In conclusion, I rather we go out on our own or to our own homes.

Now so much for being defensive even though I meant to apologise, I guess that's me to Jason.
A beyond hope spolit brat.
I finally bought a BLUE colour top.

I feel Jason has every right to take part in the shouting competition with me. (We have never shout directly to each other though) I even challenged him not to meet me and forget about the movie.

But....But he still wanna meet me. Still in good temper, despite I'm really sure that I hurted him.

I'm not sure if I can do that if I were him.

The ridicule of love?
I just can't hold up to Jason.=/

I'm sorry, dear.
That's a sorry face and a sorry post that's still full of narcissism.